one blew this way

that five hour energy was a complete lie.  more like "30 minutes of pep and a poop"  after that failure i decided a trinity might be a better energy approach...Psuedoephedrine, Caffeine Pill, plus 30 minutes of pep and a poop...caught a lil jitter for maybe 45 minutes my heartrate never got above 80 and i still went to bed at 11, three hours after my tripod energy attempt.  How i miss the Stacker 3 days before ephedrine killed all those people; i was not one of them. sure my heart rate was 120 for 10 years and i could never sleep on my left side cos i could feel my heart thudding in my ear drums but whatever i think it proved to be a lifesaver.  those bath salts might have really thrown the ol cardic system into a uproar if not for that 2 year work out it got in the early 21st century.

maybe im chasin a dragon here.  maybe im looking for an alertness that i will never attain.  or if i did attain that level of awake...it would be on narcotics(pishposh) or a manic episode; which for the record i am NOT bipolar .  go ahead ask my psychiatrist with the tourettes i diagnosed...he prolly calles me "clinically depressed" or a "major depressive disorder" which sounds a bit more troubling.  Major Depressive Disorder means you sleep 12 hrs a night, take only antidepressants, nap 2 hrs a day while being apathetic to any sort of encounter modern life has to offer.

however even as a child i recall thinking "i cant wait till naptime"or "is it time for bed yet?" im just always tired.  and even though all my dreams appear to be nightmares i don't even care...i wake up sweating my ass off after being chased by zombies in a junior college where i failed to turn in assignment in....where the challenger is about to explode outside...so i wake up...and go right back to sleep in the hallways and elevators and tunnels and ladders where im running from negative judgment and mediocrity(the failed assignments and zombies?)

the space shuttle bit i have no idea..but i was in the second grade and we all went into the library to watch the lift off live.  Then it explodes and the teachers like "OKAY children line up" without acknowledging what we had seen.  And were all walking down the hallway single file back to class.

"Their all dead."im saying  "they all blew up"

And thats when the teacher grabs my arm and silences me before i could make all the other 7 year olds notice we had just witnessed death.